29 and holding. Plus 10.

So, I turned 39 today. I’m trying to feel positive about this and embrace the moment and all that jazz, but Ima keep it real and just say that it kind of sucks. I have a case of the birthday blues and feel pretty stupid and petty about it. And if anyone says “its better than the alternative”, I will punch you in the face. Because old ladies are grumpy.

The day itself was good and my friends and family were awesome with the cards and texts and posts, etc. I was treated to a sweet “work meeting” at Starbucks and went to lunch at my favorite dive diner with a favorite friend. The Accountant sent sweet flowers and kiddo gifted me the cutest drawing in a card and a Barnes and Noble giftcard which I spent on the same day because giftcards are like FIAH in my pocket.

In other news, Thanksgiving was really nice. The three of us went to my family’s and did the holiday up right. And by doing the holiday up right, I mean that I now need new pants because food baby. Christmas prep is in full swing and is stress free so far thanks to artificial trees, a set budget, and online shopping.

I’m trying to get kiddo to focus on things other than presents and to realize that she is a fortunate little bugger and that this is not everyone’s reality. She’s got several projects in the works; donating her bike to a local organization that refurbishes them for others, Soles for Souls shoe drive, shopping for gifts for a family her class is supporting. Great things for sure but I don’t think she “gets it” yet. All part of the journey I guess.

There was an excellent Tara Brach talk on serving. I’ll have to find it and link because it was so pertinent, even though the gist was pretty obvious and nothing novel or new. Yet something we tend to forget. She discussed how depressed people are selfish, in that they can be completely focused on self. I can’t speak as eloquently about it as she does but the basic premise is that by serving others and taking away that focus on self, we counter this “selfishness”. No brainer, right? I think what stuck with me was how she framed it. Because depressed people ARE selfish, at some base level, but putting yourself outside your own issues and mental quagmire is mind-clearing in many ways. And yeah, it’s 3 in the morning and I am butchering this but you get the idea.

Which reminds me, the meditation space is coming along. It’s been cleaned out and just needs some final touches and I will be omming with the best of them. Haha. Not that you need the perfect space to meditate but I’ll be glad to have a home base of sorts. And if meditation means face-planting into your keyboard in Cubicle Nation tomorrow, I’ll gonna be spot on because it’s late and sleep has eluded me, until now.

Peas ‘n Carrots.

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