where did i go?

This morning I heard myself yell up the stairs to kiddo as she skittered away from me to avoid putting on her socks like I’d told her to multiple times. “You are fixin’ to get a time out young lady!!!!” Yes, I said “fixin” just like that, without the g, and I added in a stern “YOUNG LADY” for shock value. I cringed inside as I said it. Not that kiddo didn’t deserve disciplining for not listening, but because sometimes its like I watch myself from some sort of out-of-body porthole and wonder, who is this person?

I don’t think I’ve let myself fully accept who I am at this point in my life. I’m still holding out for something except I’m not sure what that something is. That whole being content with where you are eludes me. I play the “what if” game too much.

My head is in a weird place today. Maybe its the heat.

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One thought on “where did i go?

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  1. I keep wondering when I’m going to finally be done with this point of transistion and get to being the REAL me… but then I realize, we’re always going to be in a state of transition and we are already at the exact point we’re supposed to be. It’s hard to accept that because we’re rarely feel that we’re standing on solid ground. But I’m 42 and still wondering when I’m finally going to be a grown up. I hear you.

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