a few complaints

What is the deal?  Is it the weather that’s making my beloved laptop run about as slow as a turtle on weed?  It’s almost annoying enough to make a girl close it up, open a real live book and do some homework.  Almost.

Take notes.  For the next five and a half months do not do the following things to me:

1. Say things like “oh you’ll see how it is”, or “you’ll understand someday” while rolling your eyes.  I know you are trying to impart your phenomenal parenting skilz to me but it really just makes me want to write on your face with a permanent marker.

2. Touch my belly.  I will either hit you in the mouth or rub your belly right back and we’ll see how you like it.

3. Tell me how I look like I’ve gained weight “all over”.  Because if you do I will say “I happen to be pregnant, what’s your excuse?” or “At least I’ll lose it in a few months but you’ll always be ugly”, or some such other mature and witty comeback.

4. Tell me about your horrible childbirth experience and how it is going to be the most painful thing in the universe.  I will show you pain after I’ve broken both your shins. 

That is all.

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6 thoughts on “a few complaints

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  1. People are actually saying those things? Crap. My sister is about the same amount of pregnant that you are, and it’s not even perceptible except in the most subtle of ways that only she notices, and sometimes not even she does. Sorry you’re dealing with that.

  2. Holly, first and last things, yes, those have happened. # 2 and 3, not yet but I’m just warning people! 🙂

    Ginger, hee! It all depends on the manner in which the advice is given I guess. Some people just can come off as condescending. Others, I would happily welcome advice from! I know I will need it! 🙂

  3. OMG! I :::love::: telling birthing stories! For example, you’re not a REAL woman until you’ve delivered with no epidural! Hee hee!!!

  4. I’ve always pondered the fact that a pregnant woman’s tummy suddenly becomes some magical charm that must be rubbed like Aladdin’s lamp by every stranger within reaching distance. Keep your paws off. (I was about to saw mitts, but that can be taken as a political statement here on Super Tuesday.)

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