I said no tonight.
I am one of those people who have a hard time saying no to various invitations. Go ahead, ask me to come to your Tupperware/Pampered Chef/candle/jewelry/guilt-you-into-buying-something-from-me-because-you-are-sitting-in-my-home party. Or ask me to your second cousin’s third wife’s bridal shower/housewarming party/baby shower where we will play idiotic mind oozing games involving pinning the diaper pin on the baby picture or making a veil out of toilet tissue. There is an excellent chance that I will accept your invitation with a smile on my face but hatred in my heart for my lack of backbone that hinders me from saying no to things that I do not want to do. Why do I feel that I must say yes to these things that appeal to me even less than swimming with sharks in bloody waters? I guess I don’t want to disappoint you. But then I just end up disappointing myself most of the time for being such a wuss. Either that, or you caught me off guard and I didn’t have time to come up with a creative excuse like that I have to go home and braid my dog’s nosehairs.
But tonight I said no to a backpacking trip. Remember this post? Need I say more? Brother-in-law and girlfriend, if you’re reading this, know that I love you but there are some things that even family ties cannot overcome. One of these things is my hatred of hiking 20 miles with 30 pounds on my back only to end up pitching a tent in the middle of nowhere when we passed ten perfectly good hotels on the drive to the entrance of the wilderness, and then to lay on the hard cold ground in a sleeping bag that only serves to entangle my feet and suffocate me, get nary a wink of sleep because various creepy-crawlies are making their way into any exposed crevice of my body and the campers in the next site are whooping it up to Montgomery Gentry and Budweiser, eat granola bars, beef jerky and drink lukewarm water out of a plastic container called a platypus, walk 50 yards from camp to pee and poop in the woods with a flashlight, three squares of toilet paper and a ziploc bag, nearly die of multiple asthma attacks and not shower for the duration of this most lovely excursion. (grammar police, you may now arrest me for that sentence).
If I’d said yes I would have spent the next two weeks kicking myself because I would have been living in dread of the previously mentioned events. But I said no and I feel good about it. Actually I said that I would rather have bamboo shoots shoved under all of my fingernails which in essence means, thanks but I’ll pass.