A Stuart Smalley moment

I fell asleep at 7:30 with the kiddo, and just woke up after much tossing and turning at 10:30 and put her in her own bed. I would have just let her stay but I noticed a work email on my phone and needed to log on to email to check something. Plus, this kid kicks. Really, “needed” is not true. It would have waited until tomorrow but I was wary about this one.

I’m currently working with a pretty high profile person on a grant and I’d prepared some slides that I’ll be presenting at a meeting in a few weeks. I took the assignment and ran with it and had sent the slides to my mentor for feedback with the comment to be brutal with suggestions and any redirection. Hello Nervous Finn. I tentatively opened the attachment to see that she had made only one sentence change and one very constructive suggestion, which I will include tomorrow.

Sigh of relief and huge grin.

Which got me to thinking about how I always second guess my abilities and what I am capable of. I’m a smart cookie but one whose confidence is easily shaken and it drives me crazy. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you is definitely helpful but not always possible and you have to prove yourself in many cases and/or fake it till ya make it. Which I can do but its usually anxiety inducing for me.

I am lucky that some bizarre alignment of the stars has recently put me back into contact with someone who, for reasons I will never know and my best guess is that I charmed her with my magnetic personality (sarcasm), believes in me and has for years. I interviewed for a job as her assistant way back when and she decided that I was “over qualified” but wanted to work with me in some way. She knew of a position elsewhere that she thought I’d be suited for and viola, we made it happen and I worked there until the funding ran out. During that time I did some ad hoc website building for her on the side and learned a lot from that experience. After the Screen Shot 2014-11-20 at 11.19.19 PMwebsite work, she and I lost touch for a bit. Then I found a new job and it turns out that my mentor works with this department on a consultative level and she found out that I had since landed there. She expressed the desire to my boss that she’d like to work with me again and repeat viola – now much of my current responsibilities are working with her. Its funny how things work out sometimes.

It is very important to me that I do a good job for her and I value her opinion and expertise so much. She is one of those rare people who are brilliant at what they do and want to help others find their place and actually takes the time to help them do so. Even a minion like me.

And as I am drugged up on Benedryl I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but the minion picture is super cute so we’re gonna call it a win.

humble pie for breakfast

Its 5:00 am and entirely too quiet, too dark, and too cold for the madness that is me getting up to go for a wog (walk/jog) this morning. The argument in my head was of the classic angel vs devil variety.

My Head: Its a new day! Go wog. You’ll be glad you did.
My Bed: Its soooo warm and cozy in here, isn’t it?
My Head: Shut up. Don’t encourage her to be a lazy, albeit well rested, chunky butt.
My Bed: You could get an hours extra sleep if you stay. Sleep is important for overall well-being and happiness.
My Head: Hey, Procrastinator Polly. I know you, if you don’t do it now, you won’t do it at all.
My Bed: You can just do it after work. The snooze button is your friend.

I finally shut them both down with a brisk “don’t think, just do” mantra and went outside, purposely leaving the side door unlocked so I could get back in.

It was cold this morning y’all. (Hush, Northerners, I hear you laughing at my aversion to getting out in balmy 30 degree temps.) But I readied my ear-buds, got my app started, and set out in a most zombie-like fashion. It wasn’t pretty but it was done.

My Head: Now, to get a shower, get the kiddo ready and delivered to school. I’m actually ahead of schedule so I bet I can make a quick grocery run after dropping her off and even get to work early. I WILL WIN MONDAY, YES I WILL!

Cue LOCKED DOOR.

No worries, the lights are on. The family is obviously awake since all lights were off when I left. I’ll just knock calmly and someone will let me in.

Crickets.

No biggie, they are probably just making breakfast and can’t hear me. I’ll just knock a bit louder.

Even quieter crickets.

The only family member who comes to the door is the one without useful thumbs…the dog.

Which brings to mind the reason that I am probably locked out. I deduce that The Accountant let the dog out to pee and out of habit, locked the door when he let pup back in. An honest mistake, although an irritable one since I had texted him to tell him I was going for a morning walk/jog.

Its cool, I’ll just try knocking LOUDLY on another door.

Silence.

By now my acquired body heat from the morning’s activity has worn off and I am getting cold. And quite angry because I have since realized that The Accountant is probably partaking in a nice warm shower and can’t hear me at all, and kiddo has been taught to never open the door to anyone if mom and dad are not around. Especially not to stark-raving mad lunatics who are banging at the back doors at 5:45 in the morning.

I now begin texting The Accountant…

Semi-Reasonable Finn: Dude, I’m locked out.

I move to the front door and ring the doorbell over and over again like a complete psycho.

Furious texting ensues…

Less-Reasonable Finn: #%$&@! THAT’S IT! I’M NEVER MAKING YOU POPCORN AGAIN! @ %&#@*! DO NOT SPEAK TO ME FOR 24 HOURS, AT LEAST! @&%$!*!

Are they even in there???

Completely Lost Her Mind Finn Who Is Convinced She Is Going To Freeze To Death While Wearing A Sweaty Turned Clammy Sports Bra And Mismatched Running Socks: @ %&#@!*! You are in the shower aren’t you!?!?!? @#%&$ HOW DARE YOU BE TAKING A SHOWER WHILE THE WOMAN WHO BIRTHED YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER IS OUT HERE FREEZING HER ASS OFF BECAUSE YOU LOCKED HER OUT!!!! @&%$!*! @&%$!*! @&%$!*! HOW.DARE.YOU!!!!

As I’m peering in through the window pane in between repeated mad ringing of the doorbell, I see a stark naked kiddo with a huge striped beach towel wrapped on top of her head cautiously peering around the corner. SALVATION! “Its ok, its mommy, its ok, its just mommy!” I yell at her. She tentatively approaches, unlocks the door and gives me a wary stare. I immediately worry that I’ve scared the poop out of her with all my banging and ringing and carrying on but she seems unscarred and only in need of minor therapy later in life. I explain to her that daddy locked me out and thank her for rescuing me from certain death on the mean streets of a suburban subdivision.

Then I get THE text, accompanied by mental divorce papers.

“I didn’t touch the door.”

You all know how this ends, right?

Sheepish Mommy: Kiddo, did you let the dog out?

Kiddo (looking dubious): Yeeeeeees?

Sheepish Mommy: And did you let him back in and then lock the door?

Kiddo (now looking around desperately for escape routes): Yeeeees?

Guilt-ridden Mommy: Its ok. You did exactly like you’re supposed to. Lock the door when you let the dog in and out, and do not ever open the door when mommy and daddy aren’t here. Mommy just thought your father locked me out and I got a little…antsy. Ahem.

The Accountant enters and Awkward Damage Control Wife appears, apologetic and embarrassed. The grovelling was not pretty but it was absolutely necessary after my legendary fit.

Suffice it to say, this wasn’t the best morning for positive spousal relations. You know what they say about assuming.

The Accountant and I have since repaired the damage to our relationship for the most part, although I am doomed to be reminded of these events until the day I die. But at least I won’t die of hypothermia because I plan to take a house key with me from now on.

So we made a fall wreath…

FallWreathDoor2014…and it’s kind of gaudy, but looks ok from the road. I don’t know what possessed me but a couple of weekends ago I got the urge to make something fall-ish for the front door, probably still riding momentum from our stellar Halloween decorations, and so I took to the internet for inspiration.

I found one on Pinterest (where else) that looked simple enough for novice wreath makers like myself and kiddo. The original with instructions is here. Ours looks pretty much nothing like the Pinterest one but for our first attempt, I think we did ok.

The materials were few and fairly easy to find in the local craft store (we went to Michaels).

  • Fake flowers
  • Straw wreath still in the plastic
  • Greenery pins
  • Roll of burlap
  • Fall ribbon

FYI: I don’t think we saved any money by doing this ourselves. Fake foliage is expensive apparently. You’re probably better off financially to buy wreaths on clearance right after the holiday and whip ‘em out next year.

For our creation you basically wrap a straw wreath with burlap and pin flowers on it. Then the hard part, wrapping and bunching and pinning more burlap in a semi-attractive way. I kind of failed at this but then we decided to add the orange ribbon as a distraction tactic because crafty crafters are crafty. The bow presented another issue as I also have no skills in this area but I finagled enough and finally called it adequate. And like I said, from a distance its a win.

PicMonkey Collage

PicMonkey Collage2

Sunday, 11/09/14

The work-week ended on a pretty positive note. The two meetings giving me ants in mah pants both turned out well enough. I went to an information session for Doctors Without Borders on Thursday. That was eye-opening and a great perspective check. They do such amazing work and shared many photos and stories from different missions. I was later irritated when someone told me they think I like the “idea” of doing something like that but not the actual doing of it. I was only taking a step to get more information about something I’m interested in. Whether I ever do anything like that or not, I can still support it and others who do it. Anywho. Love and light, love and light.

Flexibility is AgelessFlexibility when plans go awry has been the theme of this weekend. The original plan was to do the emPower 5K with my sister-in-law, but her grandmother had been ill and passed away. :( I know how tough the loss of a grandparent is and my heart goes out to her and her family. I was planning to drive home for the funeral and to see family but then kiddo began a nasty bout with a stomach virus Friday night that has lasted into Sunday. The final result was a restless (and rather gross) night and remaining in pajamas all day. Hopefully we are on the mend now and will be back to normal on Monday.

Today I’m rather meh and I’m positive its because I’ve been in PJs all weekend and haven’t done anything. Lethargy breeds lethargy. Time to move. Or bake. Preferably both.

Wednesday, 11/05/14

When in doubt, use today’s date in lieu of a clever blog post title.

Today was much better, aIMG_20141105_210453_173 copyttention span wise. I got some things done that I’d been putting off and all was good. I have a couple of big meetings tomorrow that I’m antsy about but nothing I can’t handle I’m sure. Confidence is key. Or something like that. Some project shifting has occurred at the office and so far, this has been to my benefit. Because wanting to gouge my eyes out from boredom due to a project that was a bad fit? Not fun. Tolerable but not fun. Plus, now instead of one big project that consumes 90% of my time, my ADD brain is spread across multiple ones. As a girl who likes change and variety, this is right up my alley.

I am now officially a Mac user at home. Hallelujah! I have always been a PC girl until a new job a few years ago only used Macs. The learning curve was minimal and I found that Macs just fit my brain better. Of course, since then I’ve changed jobs and am back in PC-land, Cubicle Nation. Sigh. Can’t win for losing. Total first world problems I know. So anyway, I am happy to have a Mac for personal use and kiddo will inherit the antique Sony Vaio as soon as I wipe it.

This election thang that just happened…It fascinates me how people can interpret the same Amendment or law or book or anything, in so many different ways. Conviction and passion for what you believe in are wonderful things and I fully believe that our differences are what makes life great. If we all thought the same way life would be very 1984-like. Snooze-fest Central. Social science fascinates me and I love learning about why people think and feel the way they do about certain issues and talking to people with differing viewpoints. Must be why I like to sit back and watch the fireworks on Facebook or Twitter when polarizing issues in politics and religion come up. I saw this on someone’s page today and it just makes me laugh every time I read it…”I want gay married couples to be able to protect their marijuana plants with guns”. Snort.

Aaaaand I promised myself I’d be in bed by 10:00pm and here it is 10:03. Peas ‘n carrots all.

The ADD is strong with this one

I cannot sit still today y’all. Cannot focus. Cannot stand the confines of this cubicle. I am fidgety. Whew. I’m making lists and thinking of things I need and want to do and getting not much of anything done in this whole chaotic process that’s swirling in my head.

I will look into mind-quieting meditation…

Sometimes I wonder if a set daily routine would help or hinder. Some people swear by that right? As in from 5-6am they get ready for work, commute from 6-6:45am, 6:45-7:15am get the to-do list and priorities lined up for the day, 7:15-9:00am work on Project A…you get the idea. I like the IDEA of being that organized but the actual rigidity of that gives me anxiety. There has to be a great deal of flexibility and creativity in it for it to work for me I think. And then, what’s the point of a schedule?

I feel like a lab rat in here. A fish in a glass bowl.

I’m totally just writing this post as a form of procrastination. Ahhhhhhhh!!!

I’m going to lunch.